Finding the Right Counselor for You.

You realize you need some help. You are struggling and recognize you can’t solve your problems alone anymore. Where do you start? Where do you look? How do you know your choice is the right choice for you? Here are some steps to take to help you work towards the help you’re seeking:

1. Begin by looking up counseling directories. The benefit of accessing such directories is the ability to check out multiple therapists in your area. There are many on the web, many of which verify the counselor has a valid license to practice. Some examples are PsychologyToday.com, Find-A-Therapist.com and MarriageFriendlyTherapists.com.

2. Look for a therapist who works with your problems. Therapists have license to work in many disciplines and with many populations. However, no one can be an expert in all fields. Some therapists focus on working with children and adolescents. Others work with trauma. Still others focus on couples work. Read the therapists’ profiles and see which one seems to “speak” to you. Narrow down the field to 2 or 3 so you can make the best selection for you.

3. Making contact. You’ve found a therapist who seems to be a good “fit.” Now’s the time to contact them. Most on-line directories have a feature where you can contact the therapist via email. If you email the therapist, you may have to wait for a response. Keep your emails brief, as some therapists prefer not to engage with a client via email, to protect your confidentiality and request you call them. Therapists want to see if there is a connection, which is difficult to determine over email.

The other option is to call the therapist. Leave a message if they don’t respond. If you call on a weekday, most therapists will return your call within a few hours. If you call on a weekend, they may not return your call until they return to the office.

4. Asking the right questions. Now you have them on the phone, what do you say? Let them know what prompted you to call them. The therapist may be calling you in between clients, so do not take it personally if they cannot spend a long time on the phone with you. However, the right therapist will take the time to answer your questions and feel comfortable and open with discussing their fee. But what are the right questions? Ask the therapist:

•If they have experience in working with your problem.
•What their education and training is in relation to your issues.
•What their fee is.
•How long their sessions are.
•What their availability is.
•Where their office is located.

5. How is the therapist responding to you? Pay attention to the therapist’s responses to your questions and information. Do they seem genuinely interested in you and your pain? Listen to your own feelings. Does this therapist feel like they would be the right person for you? If not, you can continue your search. If you are feeling a connection with the therapist, make an appointment.

6. Attending the first appointment. Make sure you attend on time and prepared. Some therapists already have their intake forms on the internet, for you to complete prior to your first appointment. Others require you to arrive to your first appointment early to complete the paperwork. To get the most of your appointment time, follow the therapist’s request. If you come unprepared, you may have to use a portion of your time to complete the paperwork.

You may leave your first appointment feeling like you made the right choice. Congratulations if this is the case! If you find after a couple appointments like you’re not making a connection with your therapist, let them know. It’s okay, really. Therapists are trained to deal with such issues and are willing to talk to you about it. If you still find you aren’t connecting, let your therapist know you would like referrals or your intent to search elsewhere. You ultimately have to feel comfortable with your therapist. If this connection isn’t occurring, you aren’t getting the most for your money.

Women & Divorce: How to Cope

If you are female and either considering a divorce or already going through the process, then you need to read this. Divorce is an emotional process to a business-like decision. Whether you have been married for 6 months or 40 years, you invested much of yourself emotionally. You probably entered this marriage believing “’til death do you part.” Suddenly, you realize your life may not be including this person any longer.

You can learn to empower yourself and make the best of a difficult situation. You are going to have to make decisions, some of which can cause strong emotions, like splitting up assets, considering who will get the house, and dealing with child custody issues. These decisions must be made with a clear head and not an overwrought heart.

1. Take care of yourself. Consult with a financial planner and a family attorney. Even if you choose to take care of the divorce through mediation, you want to be sure your finances are secure upon the completion of the divorce. You want to make sure you know your rights. These professionals can be an asset when making decisions, which will ultimately effect your future.

2. Establish a support system. Seek out the aid of friends and family. If you do not have a good support system in place, seek counseling or a women’s support group.

3. The benefits of counseling. A good therapist can be objective, while you deal with the strong feelings you’ll experience, which cloud your judgment. A counselor will also help you process the lifestyle changes you’ll ultimately have to deal with. A couple of concerns some women have voiced include the ability to pay for counseling during this time and the confidentiality of their records.

4. Paying for counseling. I suggest you pay for the therapy out-of-pocket. You can use insurance and have every right if you so choose to do so; however, there are possible negative ramifications of using insurance benefits. First, your counselor will have to determine if you meet the criteria for a mental disorder diagnosis to be able to use your insurance, as panels require “medical necessity” to be authorized for benefits. If you do qualify, that mental disorder diagnosis will be submitted for every session to the insurance company. If your divorce isn’t amicable or if your spouse is being vindictive, he and his lawyer may attempt to subpoena any records to win their case. Would you want them to obtain these records from the insurance company? This transitions into the confidentiality aspect of paying out-of-pocket.

Counseling does not have to break the bank. You can go to various counseling directories and look for a counselor who falls within your means, such as on PsychologyToday.com and Counsel-Search.com. If this still seems too high, you can contact your local County Mental Health and ask for local community resources. Most communities have low-cost counseling centers, where pre-licensed counselors, under supervision of a licensed professional, can provide quality services.

5. Confidentiality. By paying your counselor directly, the paper trail is eliminated. Your counselor does have to keep records by law, but those records are kept confidential and can only be released with your permission, by a court order or by imminent emergency, such as suicide or child abuse. So, the chance of your spouse learning of your counseling will only occur if you divulge such information.

Remember, divorce is a business decision with emotional impacts. Don’t let your emotions hinder your ability to take are of yourself and your children. Seek the support you need now and end up in a better place when the divorce is finalized.

How Can Therapy Help Me?

Have you considered going to therapy, but have yet to pick up the phone? What's stopping you? Are you worried what others might think? Are you wondering if therapy is really for you? Maybe you're trying to decide if spending the money is worth it.

When I scour the web, I read posts from many people looking for therapist referrals. They ask for "good therapists," or "therapists who use Cognitive-Behavioral therapy." If you check out message boards like, Craigslist.org, it's no wonder trying to figure out if there are benefits to therapy. There's so much pessimism about therapy that many people steer away from it.

However, there's good news! Researchers at The Institute for the Study of Therapeutic Change (ISTC) and Partners for Change have proven that there is value in therapy. However, the value isn't in the therapist's techniques or what school of thought the therapist works from. The value is inherently in the professional relationship between yourself and the therapist. In fact, the ISTC shows that about 60% of the success of therapy relies on this relationship. If you trust and like your therapist, there is a higher likelihood that you will have a greater level of success in therapy. The other 40% is based on therapist techniques and the therapist's confidence in those techniques.

With this in mind, how do you know if the therapist you're looking for is the "right one" for you? Well, there's no exact science here. There are plenty of outlets to find therapists, including online directories like PsychologyToday.com or state-specific directories like TherapistFinder.com. Read through the bios. Find a couple that "speak" to you.

When you call the therapist, you will probably only get a few minutes to chat with them to discuss the general issues you want to work on, how much it'll cost and set an appointment. If you get a bad "vibe" from the therapist, do not feel obligated to set an appointment. Move on to the next one.

Therapists work differently, so what to expect upon your first visit can vary. You can read more about what you can expect from me here. The therapist should feel comfortable responding to your questions about the therapy process and any expectations you have.

Hopefully this will help you take the leap to making changes in your life. Therapy is a journey and you have the opportunity to make it work for you!

My Clientele

Okay, I'm not going to talk about my cases here, but I did want to address the type of clients I work with. Many times, I get calls from potential clients stating, "I see you work with couples, but will you work with my issues even though I'm not a couple?"

I do a lot of marketing towards couples because it's an area that I'm very passionate about. My graduate program got me excited about working with couples after taking a 16-week course on couples counseling. From that point, I was hooked! I attend a lot of seminars on couples counseling to keep my skills fresh and I, in turn, provide better skills for my clients.

On the other hand, I like working with individual clients as well. It's exciting to have an individual client contact me. Hearing the motivation in your voice to want to work on whatever issue it is that is plaguing you really impacts me. Working in an one-on-one environment allows us to really delve into the presenting issues without distraction, which can happen in couples counseling.

I want to note that I maintain my practice for those 18 years of age and older. While I am qualified to work with minors, it isn't my forté and I don't feel that I can provide the services needed. However, I do have a close network of therapists who I confidently make referrals to and will provide potential clients appropriate referrals if we find that I am not the right "fit" for you.

If you have further questions about the clientele I provide therapy to, please leave me a comment and I'll respond as quick as I can.

Counselor, Social Worker, Psychologist...What's the Difference?

People have told me that they never know whether to call me "Dr. Blackley," Ms. Blackley or Jodi. Let me clarify how to distinguish the different degrees in the mental health field.

A social worker will have a Master's degree in Social Work and have a License in Clinical Social Work. Unless they sought out a Doctoral degree beyond their Master's, you would not call them a "Doctor."

A therapist will have a Master's degree in Counseling or Clinical Psychology and have a License in Marriage and Family Therapy. Unless they sought out a Doctoral degree beyond their Master's, you would not call them a "Doctor." For this reason, addressing me as Jodi is more than appropriate. If this feels too informal for you, Ms. Blackley is fine as well.

A psychologist has earned a Doctorate of Psychology (Psy.D.) or a Doctorate of Philosophy in Psychology (Ph.D.). You may call a psychologist a "Doctor" as they have earned the appropriate degree.

A psychiatrist is a doctor of medicine (M.D.). Like a general practitioner or a cardiologist, a psychiatrist has also gone through medical school, residency and has earned the appropriate degrees to be called a "Doctor."

Hopefully this will help clarify when to call a mental health practitioner a "Doctor" or not. As for me, please feel free to call me Jodi.

If you have questions about this or any other blog, Please feel to leave comments. I'll be happy to respond.

The Value of Therapy

I have been wanting to start a blog to help people understand what therapy is about and to help clarify what counseling is all about. There's so much confusion and miscommunication around counseling.

First, I'm a Marriage and Family Therapist. What does this mean to you? It means that I have a license with the California Board of Behavioral Sciences that demonstrates the completion of a Master's degree in Counseling, a 3,000-hour internship and 2 state board exams. My license allows me to work with individuals, families, children and couples. I must continue updating my education through workshops and classes to ensure that I am striving towards being the best therapist I can be. I cannot prescribe medications. This is limited to those with an M.D., like a psychiatrist or a general practitioner.

I cannot work with all problems. You wouldn't want to take your Volvo to a Toyota mechanic, right? When you call me to make an appointment, I want to know that I can provide the quality of care you deserve. For this reason, I will ask you about the problems that are causing you to call me. You deserve to have a therapist who is a good "fit." My questions aren't meant to be intrusive, but they are to help me determine if I'm the right therapist for you. If we decide that we won't be able to work together, I have many alternate, qualified therapists that I refer to and will provide you with the appropriate referrals so you can get the help you're seeking.

I will continue with this blog and help demystify counseling for you to make the process feel more comfortable. If you have specific questions or would like me to address specific issues regarding the counseling field, please leave comments for me and I'll be happy to answer them!