Corresponding With My Therapist Through Emails

Recently, I was asked to explain why I discourage clients from emailing me between sessions. I thought in the world of technology, it would be a good topic to address here. I'm not referring to online therapy, but for clients who I usually see in my office, but want to correspond to me via email in between sessions.

Let me start with the issue of confidentiality. There is no way to secure email. It can't be 128-bit encrypted, and it's easier to hack. Plus, there's no guarantee I will receive the email. How many times has someone tolds you they sent you an email, but you never received it? Ouch! Can you imagine sending a lengthy email, contained with personal information, and your therapist never receives it?

Second, emails are easy to be misconstrued. It's very common to misinterpret text messages, emails, etc. because you don't have eye contact, facial expressions, and body language. I, personally, depend on non-verbal communication almost as much as verbal communication when working with the client. I lose a substantial part of the communication through emails.

I understand email and electronic communication is an important means of keeping in contact and is here to stay; however, I believe it's not in your best interest as a client to do therapy over the internet if you are working with me on a regular basis in the office. If clients feel they need to interact with me beyond the weekly session, I encourage them to see me more than once a week, so that they receive the support you are looking for.

Finding a Therapist - Resources

Finding a therapist can be daunting. You try the Yellow Pages, but that doesn't give you much information. You go to online directories, but when you type in a zip code, 50 different therapists show up! How do you know which one is right for you?

I have a more detailed article seeking a good "fit," which you can find HERE, but here are some good online resources to help narrow down your search:

PsychologyToday.com
Network Therapy.com
Find-A-Therapist.com

What Do You Want to Know?

Is there something you would like to know about the therapy process that I haven't addressed?

Now is the time and this is the place to ask!

Leave your questions in the comments section at the end of this post and I'll add them to my blog in the form of an entry!

I look forward to hearing from you!!!

**Please note, my responses cannot be replaced for therapy and if you're in therapy, I request you address any concerns with your therapist directly.

Email & Therapy

Here's a question I received: Why don't you prefer clients to use email when contacting you?

This is a fair question. Let me see if I can explain:

1) I cannot guarantee your confidentiality. There's no way to maintain privacy through email mediums.
2) Emails get "lost." You may send an email and I may never receive it.
3) If it's an emergency, I may not receive it until hours after you've sent it.
4) Emails can be easily misconstrued. Without facial expressions, body language or even voice volume and sound, I have no idea what the emotions are behind the email.

For this reason, I have a personal policy that clients may email me ONLY for the purpose of scheduling/canceling an appointment. I recognize in the world of Blackberries, SmartPhones and iPhones, people are on the go and keep their calendars close at hand.

If emails are your preferred means of communication, speak with your own therapist what their policy regarding use of email is and how that will work for the both of you.

More Relationship Tips

Looking for more tips to solidify your relationship? Look no further!

Give Intimacy to Get It

Do you wait for your partner to do something nice for you before you return the favor? Are you feeling like your partner isn't doing their part to make you feel loved? Well, here's a question for you...what are you doing to make your partner feel loved?

Many people wait and wait for their partner to make the "first move" and then become disappointed when their partner doesn't respond. It's time to take control of the closeness in your relationship! If you provide love, then you have a higher chance of receiving love in return. Don't wait around and then become resentful of yourself for waiting...that only hurts you in the end.

It Time to Talk!

How often do you and your spouse sit down and check in with one another about your relationship? I mean, more than just the events of the day: the kids' schoolwork, your jobs, what needs to be fixed around the house. How often do you talk about your dreams, your goals or where you want to be 5, 10 or 20 years from now? If you've lost sight of your relationship, you'll may be surprised to wake up one day and not know your spouse, or even yourself anymore.

Take the time to reconnect, even if it's one night a week. Using that time will increase intimacy, connection and give you an ongoing chance to rejuvenate your relationship.

How NOT to Communicate!

Recently, there seems to be an influx of ways people seem to deal with important issues and conflicts in their relationships, but cannot understand why they're ineffective. Let's look at what NOT to do, so you can find healthier, alternative ways of communicating:

Don't call your partner at work to discuss heated issues. They may not be in a position to really focus on the issue.

Don't send a text message your partner at work. Text messages can easily be misconstrued and unnecessary arguments could envelop.

Don't try to discuss things while getting the children ready for bed. Again, your attention is focused elsewhere. Furthermore, children do not need to be privy to adult discussions.

DO write down what you really need to discuss, to keep your thoughts together. Wait until your partner is at home, where you both can give the matter your full attention. If this isn't possible, then hire a babysitter for a couple of hours, go and get a cup of coffee together, and leave the cell phones at home (to minimize interruptions). Many people used to go on dates before cell phones....you can too!