Keeping a Relationship Strong

All too often, expectations of a partner can be the downfall of the relationship if those expectations aren't made known to the other person. By recognizing those expectations and being able to voice them to your partner, you give your partner a fair opportunity to respond to those expectations. Let's see how expectations can impact your relationship:

Who is in YOUR relationship?

A relationship is between 2 people. So why is it so easy to allow others to get involved with the relationship? Friends, parents, siblings, and even co-workers give advice on how your relationship "should" be...but according to whom? If you or your partner allows people to influence your relationship, then you aren't giving you or your partner an opportunity to make decisions for yourself. Think of it this way, if 2 stand at an altar, then it's those people who ultimately have to decide what is best for the relationship...no one else. Only you can decide what makes your relationship work. Focus on finding those answers with your partner, not external forces.

Are you a good communicator?

Communicating requires certain components:

A willingness to listen to your partner even if you disagree with their points.
The ability to acknowledge their feelings, as a result of their points.
To take the opportunity of responding without being defensive, so your partner, in turn, can acknowledge your feelings and points without defensiveness.

So ask yourself...are you a good communicator? Or are you good at getting defensive?

Limiting Yourself

Do you or your partner respond to each other with "Yeah....But...."? What are you truly saying when those words leave your lips?

Responses that start with "Yeah..." mean "I agree with you..." or "I understand what you're saying." Follow it up with a "But" now relays the message of "Forget everything I just said and listen to what I really mean." "Yeah...but...." is a way to discount your partner, a way to feel discounted, and a way to break down healthy communication. If you disagree with your partner. It's stronger if you let them know "I honestly hear what you are saying." Reflect that message back to your partner. Then you can follow up with, "I want to let you know how I see it..." and follow up from there. It's a more respectful way to communicate and can help keep lines of communication open.

Is "In Treatment" Really What Happens in Therapy?

People have asked me this often in the past few weeks. If you've been watching HBO's new series, "In Treatment," you would see a therapist go through the following:

Reciprocating romantic feelings for a client.
Having a client fall in love with another client.
Get into a physical altercation with another client.
Have a teenager attempt suicide in the office.
Go to their own supervisor for personal therapy.

Plus so much more!

In truth, therapists do have struggles and difficult clients, but since 1999, when I began working with clients, I have never experienced most of these issues, as well as practically all the therapists I personally know and affiliate with.

Do clients form romantic feelings for therapists? It can happen, and does happen to most therapists at one time or another. It's a process clients go through when the therapist has proved a safe, nurturing environment for the client to be able to work through their pain and begin to heal. That process is so strong, that a client's feelings may be misconstrued as romantic feelings. A competent therapist recognizes these feelings and uses this interaction to further process the healing.

In general, therapists don't fall in love with their clients (although it has been known to happen), therapists don't push their clients into bookcases, and don't have client attempt suicide in their office. This television show has some wonderful acting and some great moments that draw the viewer in, but remember, it's ultimately a TV show!

If you have seen it and have concerns, please post them! We can address them here!