Many times when I'm working with couples, I consistently hear how they have difficultly asking their partner for help, "I don't want them to see me as weak." It's interesting how people have this notion that requesting help is a sign a weakness...as if the person should be all-knowing, powerful, or strong at all times. The fact is we're human first. We all have moments of weakness and need to rely on one another for support.
I offer you an alternative view. I suggest that you try to view needing help as an ability to recognize your limitations. Having this type of insight is a strength in itself. Knowing when you need strength, admitting that to yourself and then admitting this to your partner actually conveys, "I recognize I have a limitation and I'm honest & strong enough with myself to let you know." This message can enhance the connection and intimacy between a couple.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Starting your New Year Off Right
So the holidays are behind us and we've rung in 2009. Have you set any New Year's resolutions? How are you doing with them so far? If you're still continuing with them congrats! You are in the minority of people who have actually set out the goals you want to accomplish. Why is this? Most likely, you've chosen something important to you...something that has meaning to you...
Many times, goals are not achieved because people establish goals that really don't have enough priority in their lives or are too unrealistic or vague to attain. "I want to lose 20 by the beginning of February," or "I want to be a better spouse."
Consider making realistic goals that have the potential to be measurable and attainable. "I will lose 2-3 pounds weekly," or "I will call my spouse daily to check in with them for the next month." This gives you an opportunity to really see if you are following through with your goals. If you aren't, then it's time to examine if these goals are really important to you...if they aren't, then it's time to amend them.
What does this have to do with relationships? Start with looking at where your relationship is at. What is one thing you can (and want to) do that will help you achieve the relationship you want? Start small and work to bigger goals as you gain momentum. Sometimes, it's the smallest efforts that achieve the greatest results.
Many times, goals are not achieved because people establish goals that really don't have enough priority in their lives or are too unrealistic or vague to attain. "I want to lose 20 by the beginning of February," or "I want to be a better spouse."
Consider making realistic goals that have the potential to be measurable and attainable. "I will lose 2-3 pounds weekly," or "I will call my spouse daily to check in with them for the next month." This gives you an opportunity to really see if you are following through with your goals. If you aren't, then it's time to examine if these goals are really important to you...if they aren't, then it's time to amend them.
What does this have to do with relationships? Start with looking at where your relationship is at. What is one thing you can (and want to) do that will help you achieve the relationship you want? Start small and work to bigger goals as you gain momentum. Sometimes, it's the smallest efforts that achieve the greatest results.
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