You enter into a counseling relationship to begin a journey of personal growth and overcome obstacles preventing you from achieving your goals. This journey entails the disclosure of very personal information and you want to make sure you can trust the therapist to uphold your confidentiality.
You need to know the parameters of confidentiality BEFORE you start therapy. Most therapists will inform you of these parameters at the first session. In most circumstances, your confidentiality will be upheld. As I say to my clients, "What is said in this room, stays in this room." However, there are exceptions that most therapists must adhere to. Some of these may vary by state, so make sure you check with your therapist:
Legal Exceptions to Confidentiality Include:
•Child abuse or neglect
•Elder abuse or neglect
•Dependent adult abuse or neglect
•Serious threats to harm others
•A court order compelling a therapist to testify or release therapeutic information to the court.
Other/Ethical Exceptions to Confidentiality Include:
•Serious threats to harm yourself
•Case consultation with other mental health professionals for the benefit of your therapy
•Implementing a "no-secrets" policy, which is utilized in couples and family therapy to prevent members of the family from forcing the therapist to withhold secrets from other family members, which can be harmful to the therapy.
The best action you can take is to speak with your therapist at the onset of therapy about their limits of confidentiality policies, so you are aware of the parameters that protect your rights as a client.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Monday, January 21, 2008
What If I Feel My Therapy Isn't Working?
Do you go to therapy wondering what you're going to talk about? Do you feel like you're spinning your wheels and getting nowhere? Feeling discouraged that you're constantly taking one step forward but 3 steps back in therapy?
Therapy requires time, patience and work, but you probably don't want to feel like you will be in therapy forever. If you're feeling discouraged, it's real easy to call your therapist, cancel the appointment and never reschedule. But is it really the best decision for you? Could be....maybe not.
Therapy is a complicated art. There are many factors which contribute to the success or failure of therapy, the main factor is the rapport between the therapist and yourself. Other factors include: your commitment to therapy and yourself, the therapist's competence and confidence in their own skills, the issues you bring to the table and the length of time you've been dealing with the problems, just to name a few.
Dropping out may prevent you from facing the problems that brought you to therapy in the first place. So what do you do?
First, talk to your therapist as soon as you start to feel discouraged. Let your therapist know how you're feeling, what you are seeing is happening with the therapy, and what your expectations are. Opening this channel of communication helps the therapist understand what you are wanting and an open discussion of your needs and expectations can be laid out on the table.
After having such a discussion, you and your therapist can lay out a new treatment plan addressing your concerns, which may include additional resources in addition to therapy such as support groups, medical evaluations, etc. After processing all your options, you may agree transferring to another therapist may be needed. If this is the case, your therapist should be able to provide you with appropriate referrals so you can continue your journey.
Therapy requires time, patience and work, but you probably don't want to feel like you will be in therapy forever. If you're feeling discouraged, it's real easy to call your therapist, cancel the appointment and never reschedule. But is it really the best decision for you? Could be....maybe not.
Therapy is a complicated art. There are many factors which contribute to the success or failure of therapy, the main factor is the rapport between the therapist and yourself. Other factors include: your commitment to therapy and yourself, the therapist's competence and confidence in their own skills, the issues you bring to the table and the length of time you've been dealing with the problems, just to name a few.
Dropping out may prevent you from facing the problems that brought you to therapy in the first place. So what do you do?
First, talk to your therapist as soon as you start to feel discouraged. Let your therapist know how you're feeling, what you are seeing is happening with the therapy, and what your expectations are. Opening this channel of communication helps the therapist understand what you are wanting and an open discussion of your needs and expectations can be laid out on the table.
After having such a discussion, you and your therapist can lay out a new treatment plan addressing your concerns, which may include additional resources in addition to therapy such as support groups, medical evaluations, etc. After processing all your options, you may agree transferring to another therapist may be needed. If this is the case, your therapist should be able to provide you with appropriate referrals so you can continue your journey.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Why is My Therapist Ending My Therapy?
Someone asked me recently, "Why would my therapist end my therapy? I don't think I'm ready." This could feel scary, especially if you've worked with your therapist for a while.
There are many reasons a therapist may discontinue therapy with a client. However, whatever the reason, a competent therapist would discuss the reasons with you and provide you with the appropriate referrals so you can continue your journey.
•The issues you are presenting are beyond the therapist's level of knowledge or competence.
•The therapist recognizes a serious detriment with the rapport between the two of you, which isn't providing you with safe environment you need to succeed in therapy.
•Your therapist recognizes underlying issues (eg., medical, psychiatric, drug dependence) which may need to be addressed and rectified before therapy can be beneficial.
There are a multitude of reasons. These are just a few. If your therapist does determine that a referral needs to be made, you have every right to ask your therapist about what they are seeing, which is influencing their decision. Your discussion is necessary as maybe you have omitted information that could change your therapist's decision.
Losing your therapist can be a significant loss for some clients. The therapist should be willing to process this with you and help you make the transition as smoothly as possible.
There are many reasons a therapist may discontinue therapy with a client. However, whatever the reason, a competent therapist would discuss the reasons with you and provide you with the appropriate referrals so you can continue your journey.
•The issues you are presenting are beyond the therapist's level of knowledge or competence.
•The therapist recognizes a serious detriment with the rapport between the two of you, which isn't providing you with safe environment you need to succeed in therapy.
•Your therapist recognizes underlying issues (eg., medical, psychiatric, drug dependence) which may need to be addressed and rectified before therapy can be beneficial.
There are a multitude of reasons. These are just a few. If your therapist does determine that a referral needs to be made, you have every right to ask your therapist about what they are seeing, which is influencing their decision. Your discussion is necessary as maybe you have omitted information that could change your therapist's decision.
Losing your therapist can be a significant loss for some clients. The therapist should be willing to process this with you and help you make the transition as smoothly as possible.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Improve Your Communication
You may think you know how to communicate with your partner, and maybe you do. Answer the following questions. Do you and your partner:
1) Ever have disagreements?
2) Resolve disagreements with strong arguments?
3) Resolve disagreements with physical altercations?
4) Resolve disagreements by "sweeping it under the rug?"
If answered "yes" to any of the above, then you probably aren't as effective as you could be. The following tips can help you work through differences positively and, hopefully, give you some alternate ways to come to compromise and/or resolution.
Keeping it all in
Have you ever felt so misunderstood by your partner, you decide not to speak your mind. I mean, what's the point? They aren't listening anyway and it'll just end up in an argument, right? So, let's look at what happens if you continually make this choice over and again:
You give in over and over. You stay quiet time and again. You keep bending over backwards in hopes that'll keep the peace. Soon, you start to feel angry all the time. You begin to nit-pick at your partner's faults. Those faults have always been there, but now they are really beginning to get under your skin. Suddenly, arguments over simple issues, like cleaning dishes and taking out the trash, become as large as World War III. Now, your conversations are continually strained. Tension has become a way of life in your home. You wake up one morning and decide you can't live in this relationship anymore. So what really happened?
You made a choice. The choice to stay quiet. The choice to not speak your mind. You began to bend over backwards so much you're on the verge of breaking. It appears you're angry with your partner, but really you're angry with yourself. You've kept quiet and you're angry to allow yourself to let this go for so long.
Ask yourself this question....was your choice really worth it?
Balancing "I" with "We"
How often do you find yourself saying or hearing your partner say,
"We need to do....?" or "Why aren't we....?"
In many circumstances, WE can be a beautiful word, but it can also be
a dangerous one. WE can signify togetherness, a partnership, a bond.
However, if WE begins to replace "I", problems ensue. At the point
"I" is replaced by "WE," individuality is compromised. The two of you
came together as individuals...morphing into one is a romanticized
ideology of a relationship. Losing "I" for the sake of "WE" means
giving up your identity, the very characteristics which caused your
partner to love you in the first place.
When "We need to do....." appears, it's time to stop and think: Is
this something my partner and I "need" to do? Or is this something
"I" really need from my partner and myself? Be honest here. Most
likely, it's your need being masked as a "WE." It's time to assert
yourself. It's time to stand up for your needs and stop imposing them
on your partner. They are most likely going to be more receptive if
you're saying:
"I need the clothes to be washed. Would you mind helping me with this?"
vs."We need to wash the clothes."
Asserting yourself positively is a great way to establish your "I-
ness" within a "WE" world.
Communication Overcomes Stress
What is the best stress reliever? Knowing you have someone in your corner, who can provide you with support...who can go through the stress with you...who can understand your stress. Having this person on your side can help you feel less alone.
Stress can cloud judgment and result in arguments if you let it. However, if you allow your partner to be a form of support, you will have a pillar to lean on. Talk to your partner. Let them know how you're feeling, what you're thinking, what you need. Invite them to be a part of your world. Let them know how they an help. It will help them feel less helpless (because let's be honest....they can't always "fix" the problem for you), and you get support in a way you need it.
Communication can ease the tension and help relieve the stress...as long as you're willing to keep your partner in the loop.
These are just a few tips, which can help you start a positive bridge towards communication. If you're interested in receiving more tips for a healthy relationship, visit my website and sign up for free weekly relationship tips.
1) Ever have disagreements?
2) Resolve disagreements with strong arguments?
3) Resolve disagreements with physical altercations?
4) Resolve disagreements by "sweeping it under the rug?"
If answered "yes" to any of the above, then you probably aren't as effective as you could be. The following tips can help you work through differences positively and, hopefully, give you some alternate ways to come to compromise and/or resolution.
Keeping it all in
Have you ever felt so misunderstood by your partner, you decide not to speak your mind. I mean, what's the point? They aren't listening anyway and it'll just end up in an argument, right? So, let's look at what happens if you continually make this choice over and again:
You give in over and over. You stay quiet time and again. You keep bending over backwards in hopes that'll keep the peace. Soon, you start to feel angry all the time. You begin to nit-pick at your partner's faults. Those faults have always been there, but now they are really beginning to get under your skin. Suddenly, arguments over simple issues, like cleaning dishes and taking out the trash, become as large as World War III. Now, your conversations are continually strained. Tension has become a way of life in your home. You wake up one morning and decide you can't live in this relationship anymore. So what really happened?
You made a choice. The choice to stay quiet. The choice to not speak your mind. You began to bend over backwards so much you're on the verge of breaking. It appears you're angry with your partner, but really you're angry with yourself. You've kept quiet and you're angry to allow yourself to let this go for so long.
Ask yourself this question....was your choice really worth it?
Balancing "I" with "We"
How often do you find yourself saying or hearing your partner say,
"We need to do....?" or "Why aren't we....?"
In many circumstances, WE can be a beautiful word, but it can also be
a dangerous one. WE can signify togetherness, a partnership, a bond.
However, if WE begins to replace "I", problems ensue. At the point
"I" is replaced by "WE," individuality is compromised. The two of you
came together as individuals...morphing into one is a romanticized
ideology of a relationship. Losing "I" for the sake of "WE" means
giving up your identity, the very characteristics which caused your
partner to love you in the first place.
When "We need to do....." appears, it's time to stop and think: Is
this something my partner and I "need" to do? Or is this something
"I" really need from my partner and myself? Be honest here. Most
likely, it's your need being masked as a "WE." It's time to assert
yourself. It's time to stand up for your needs and stop imposing them
on your partner. They are most likely going to be more receptive if
you're saying:
"I need the clothes to be washed. Would you mind helping me with this?"
vs."We need to wash the clothes."
Asserting yourself positively is a great way to establish your "I-
ness" within a "WE" world.
Communication Overcomes Stress
What is the best stress reliever? Knowing you have someone in your corner, who can provide you with support...who can go through the stress with you...who can understand your stress. Having this person on your side can help you feel less alone.
Stress can cloud judgment and result in arguments if you let it. However, if you allow your partner to be a form of support, you will have a pillar to lean on. Talk to your partner. Let them know how you're feeling, what you're thinking, what you need. Invite them to be a part of your world. Let them know how they an help. It will help them feel less helpless (because let's be honest....they can't always "fix" the problem for you), and you get support in a way you need it.
Communication can ease the tension and help relieve the stress...as long as you're willing to keep your partner in the loop.
These are just a few tips, which can help you start a positive bridge towards communication. If you're interested in receiving more tips for a healthy relationship, visit my website and sign up for free weekly relationship tips.
Monday, January 7, 2008
Understanding the Counselor's Role
Have you experience a kind of "distance" between you and your counselor? It's almost as if one moment there's a "connection" between you and the next moment, that connection is lost. It makes you wonder, "what happened?"
First and foremost, it's essential to remember that the counselor is not your friend. You don't pay your friends money to listen to your concerns and your friends may not have the ability to pull themselves away emotionally to see how your concerns may or may not be skewed. They only see your pain and want to fix it. They do not have the training or experience to be able to help you understand your pain and work with it in a way most beneficial to you. This may be where you feel this "distance." The therapist must keep a level of distance to maintain objectivity. If they become too invested in the emotions, then they can become as ineffective as some of your friends and family in the matters of helping you with your concerns.
First and foremost, it's essential to remember that the counselor is not your friend. You don't pay your friends money to listen to your concerns and your friends may not have the ability to pull themselves away emotionally to see how your concerns may or may not be skewed. They only see your pain and want to fix it. They do not have the training or experience to be able to help you understand your pain and work with it in a way most beneficial to you. This may be where you feel this "distance." The therapist must keep a level of distance to maintain objectivity. If they become too invested in the emotions, then they can become as ineffective as some of your friends and family in the matters of helping you with your concerns.
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