Improve Your Communication

You may think you know how to communicate with your partner, and maybe you do. Answer the following questions. Do you and your partner:

1) Ever have disagreements?
2) Resolve disagreements with strong arguments?
3) Resolve disagreements with physical altercations?
4) Resolve disagreements by "sweeping it under the rug?"

If answered "yes" to any of the above, then you probably aren't as effective as you could be. The following tips can help you work through differences positively and, hopefully, give you some alternate ways to come to compromise and/or resolution.

Keeping it all in

Have you ever felt so misunderstood by your partner, you decide not to speak your mind. I mean, what's the point? They aren't listening anyway and it'll just end up in an argument, right? So, let's look at what happens if you continually make this choice over and again:

You give in over and over. You stay quiet time and again. You keep bending over backwards in hopes that'll keep the peace. Soon, you start to feel angry all the time. You begin to nit-pick at your partner's faults. Those faults have always been there, but now they are really beginning to get under your skin. Suddenly, arguments over simple issues, like cleaning dishes and taking out the trash, become as large as World War III. Now, your conversations are continually strained. Tension has become a way of life in your home. You wake up one morning and decide you can't live in this relationship anymore. So what really happened?

You made a choice. The choice to stay quiet. The choice to not speak your mind. You began to bend over backwards so much you're on the verge of breaking. It appears you're angry with your partner, but really you're angry with yourself. You've kept quiet and you're angry to allow yourself to let this go for so long.

Ask yourself this question....was your choice really worth it?

Balancing "I" with "We"

How often do you find yourself saying or hearing your partner say,
"We need to do....?" or "Why aren't we....?"

In many circumstances, WE can be a beautiful word, but it can also be
a dangerous one. WE can signify togetherness, a partnership, a bond.
However, if WE begins to replace "I", problems ensue. At the point
"I" is replaced by "WE," individuality is compromised. The two of you
came together as individuals...morphing into one is a romanticized
ideology of a relationship. Losing "I" for the sake of "WE" means
giving up your identity, the very characteristics which caused your
partner to love you in the first place.

When "We need to do....." appears, it's time to stop and think: Is
this something my partner and I "need" to do? Or is this something
"I" really need from my partner and myself? Be honest here. Most
likely, it's your need being masked as a "WE." It's time to assert
yourself. It's time to stand up for your needs and stop imposing them
on your partner. They are most likely going to be more receptive if
you're saying:

"I need the clothes to be washed. Would you mind helping me with this?"
vs."We need to wash the clothes."

Asserting yourself positively is a great way to establish your "I-
ness" within a "WE" world.

Communication Overcomes Stress

What is the best stress reliever? Knowing you have someone in your corner, who can provide you with support...who can go through the stress with you...who can understand your stress. Having this person on your side can help you feel less alone.

Stress can cloud judgment and result in arguments if you let it. However, if you allow your partner to be a form of support, you will have a pillar to lean on. Talk to your partner. Let them know how you're feeling, what you're thinking, what you need. Invite them to be a part of your world. Let them know how they an help. It will help them feel less helpless (because let's be honest....they can't always "fix" the problem for you), and you get support in a way you need it.

Communication can ease the tension and help relieve the stress...as long as you're willing to keep your partner in the loop.

These are just a few tips, which can help you start a positive bridge towards communication. If you're interested in receiving more tips for a healthy relationship, visit my website and sign up for free weekly relationship tips.