Intimacy

When you think of being intimate with your partner, what's the first thing that comes to mind? If you said, "sex" or "physical intimacy" then you are in the majority. It's no wonder when I work with couples, many times they mention in the first couple of sessions how they "never have sex anymore" or the quality of the physical intimacy has waned over the years. I'll let you in on a little secret: (with the exception of a physiological ailment) the quality of your love life IN the bedroom mirrors the quality of the intimacy OUTSIDE of the bedroom.

Think of it this way... physical intimacy is a means to connect with your partner in a powerful way. However, if you aren't making the commitment to connect with your partner in other, positive ways, then is it really feasible to expect everything to fall into place in the bedroom? If you want to connect with your partner physically, then you have to make an effort to connect with them outside the bedroom first. Take a good look at how you interact with them when you see them upon getting home from work... Do you scowl at each other? Do you immediately go to separate rooms? Is one person in the kitchen cleaning up dinner while the other is playing on a computer? Notice the lack of connection... there's no support, communication or demonstration of wanting to connect with one another in these examples... yet, suddenly... there's an expectation to be connected in the bedroom. It's unrealistic.

So, if you want to increase your physical intimacy with your partner, start by looking at positive connections outside the bedroom...it'll make connecting IN the bedroom much more worthwhile!