"Throw Away the Key"

How easy is it to have an argument with your partner only to get so flustered or angry that you are ready to call it quits? Maybe you've had thoughts like, "Why should we even try?" or "I should just walk away before it gets worse...it'll never change." Possibly you've even heard the "D" word (divorce) being slung around during an argument.

Here's the thing... if you don't want to end your relationship, then what good is it to start having such thoughts or make such threats? Nothing positive can come out of such actions or thoughts. Once those thoughts start entering your mind, it can become an "out" of sorts. It's easy for your mind to think, "See? Nothing's changing. I should just end it." This becomes a perpetuating, downward spiral, which can result in negative results.

Instead, visualize yourself taking a key, which represents that "out," and imagine yourself throwing it into a vast ocean, never to be found again. As you're throwing that "key" into the water, make a commitment to yourself not to give up so easily. As you have difficult times with your partner, remind yourself there is no "key"... no "out," and to renew your commitment to weather the storms.

My clients who try this exercise find a renewed commitment to the process, and to their relationship, as they aren't looking for the quick fix, but looking for the right way to handle problems.