Compromise? Or Accommodation?

How many times have you found yourself attempting to find resolution over a problem, to which one of you compromise on an issue and then resent yourself and your partner because you agreed to terms that you're not happy with? If this is the case, the negotiation, which took place, didn't result in compromise, but with accommodation -- a killer of relationships for sure. What is the difference? Let's take a look:

Accommodation: Accommodation is essentially the same as "giving in." You're "agreeing" to the arrangement, but inside, you may be feeling bitter, resentful, angry or upset with the agreement. You might describe this as a means to keep the peace or prevent an argument. This self-sacrifice is detrimental to a relationship because you've agreed to something that goes against your better judgment. The question to ask yourself is: Why would you agree to something that you don't want to agree to? Often times, these justifications backfire, because resent builds over time, so an argument prevented today may result in a larger argument later.

Compromise: The basis of compromise is when 2 people come together and find some way, through negotiation, to agree on a situation that doesn't result in bitterness or resentment towards one another. There might be some sacrificing going on to reach this agreement, but the sacrifice isn't causing an inner "tug-of-war" like the process of accommodation. The arrangement may not be ideal, but both parties work together to ensure they aren't "giving in" just to keep the peace or prevent an argument.

How do you ensure you're compromising rather than accommodating? You can start by being true to yourself, and honest with your partner. If you aren't feeling good about the decision, then be open about the inner conflict you are having and be open with your partner. Don't agree to something that you'll regret agreeing to later. Do agree on that which you can honestly live with the consequences of your decisions. This is a more proactive way of dealing with conflict.