The Impact of Honesty

What does honesty mean to you? How do you feel when you learn your partner isn't honest with you? Hurt? Betrayed? How do you feel when you aren't honest with your partner? Guilty? Ashamed? Anxious? As you notice, the emotions associated with a lack of honesty aren't positive and can cause a breakdown in communication and trust. So then why aren't people more honest with their partners?

It seems the #1 reason is the fear of how their partner will react if they hear the truth. There's a fear of disappointing their partner, or may not want to invoke an argument with their partner, so they believe the dishonesty will be better for all concerned; however, the fact is that while the truth may trigger hurt feelings or an argument, finding out your partner was not honest with you can have longer, and more severe, impacts in the long-run.

A second reason someone might lie is to maintain a behavior they aren't ready to give up. This is also known as "having your cake and eating it too." In such cases, they want to be able to "keep you" in the relationship, but they want to also continue engaging in the negative behaviors. This kind of lifestyle ultimately can destroy a relationship, unless you agree to tolerate it.

In either case, honesty is an important component of a relationship. The lack of honesty can erode the very foundation of a healthy relationship and ultimately will cause ongoing suspicion, turbulence and unhealthy behaviors from both people in the relationship.