Having the Proverbial Cake...

There seems to be a common theme amongst many clients I've seen this week. They "want their cake and eat it too." What do I mean by this? Many times I hear from clients how important it is to save their relationship... they express common themes such as "I don't want to lose him/her," "S/he is the most important person in my life," or "I'm doing everything I can to save this relationship." However, when we explore the choice they are making, what I learn is how willing people are to maintain unhealthy habits that directly impact the relationship in a negative way: keeping in touch with an old flame, continue indulging in alcohol or drug patterns, or even staying late at work often at the expense of the family.

So I have to ask myself (and ask my clients), if your relationship is as important to you as you state it is, why you would you want to continue engaging in behaviors, which will negatively impact the relationship? Saving the relationship may mean having to give up contact with the old flame, ceasing to use alcohol or drugs, or finding a better balance between work and family. You'll want to ask yourself, "Why is it so difficult for me to give these things/people up?" Be honest with yourself...be honest with your partner. Attempting to "have your cake and eat it too" ultimately sends a message to your partner that the relationship may not be as important to you as your stating.