Leaving Therapy Before It's Over

Have you gotten to a point where you don't feel like your therapy is going anywhere?
Are you short on funds and having difficulty attending your sessions on a consistent basis?
Do you feel like you and your therapist aren't "clicking?"

If you've thought "yes" to any of these questions, then you might have considered dropping out of therapy prematurely. Ultimately, you have the right to cease sessions when you feel necessary; however, I see clients leave therapy too early due to financial struggles, something that has occurred in the most recent session that they don't want to process or they feel like they've gotten all they can get out of it.

In situations like these, rather than leaving a voicemail message on your therapist's answering service, I recommend that you attend your next appointment to discuss your concerns with your therapist. If it's a financial concern, your therapist may consider a sliding scale, or space out your sessions a little more, depending on your therapy needs. If you are unsure if you're getting anything out of therapy, you and your therapist can revisit your treatment goals and discuss your progress as well as what you'd like to see from therapy. If you're unhappy with your therapist or upset by something your therapist said during the session, bringing it up to your therapist empowers you and let's your therapist know how you interpreted their intervention.

A good therapist will be open to discussing such issues and will want to understand what didn't work. They may be able to "clear the air" or even explore where the breakdown occurred. Your therapist will respect your decision to leave, but discussing your concerns ultimately provides your therapist with good feedback and you might be able to ultimately leave therapy with a positive experience.

What If I Feel My Therapy Isn't Working?

Do you go to therapy wondering what you're going to talk about? Do you feel like you're spinning your wheels and getting nowhere? Feeling discouraged that you're constantly taking one step forward but 3 steps back in therapy?

Therapy requires time, patience and work, but you probably don't want to feel like you will be in therapy forever. If you're feeling discouraged, it's real easy to call your therapist, cancel the appointment and never reschedule. But is it really the best decision for you? Could be....maybe not.

Therapy is a complicated art. There are many factors which contribute to the success or failure of therapy, the main factor is the rapport between the therapist and yourself. Other factors include: your commitment to therapy and yourself, the therapist's competence and confidence in their own skills, the issues you bring to the table and the length of time you've been dealing with the problems, just to name a few.

Dropping out may prevent you from facing the problems that brought you to therapy in the first place. So what do you do?

First, talk to your therapist as soon as you start to feel discouraged. Let your therapist know how you're feeling, what you are seeing is happening with the therapy, and what your expectations are. Opening this channel of communication helps the therapist understand what you are wanting and an open discussion of your needs and expectations can be laid out on the table.

After having such a discussion, you and your therapist can lay out a new treatment plan addressing your concerns, which may include additional resources in addition to therapy such as support groups, medical evaluations, etc. After processing all your options, you may agree transferring to another therapist may be needed. If this is the case, your therapist should be able to provide you with appropriate referrals so you can continue your journey.

Why is My Therapist Ending My Therapy?

Someone asked me recently, "Why would my therapist end my therapy? I don't think I'm ready." This could feel scary, especially if you've worked with your therapist for a while.

There are many reasons a therapist may discontinue therapy with a client. However, whatever the reason, a competent therapist would discuss the reasons with you and provide you with the appropriate referrals so you can continue your journey.

•The issues you are presenting are beyond the therapist's level of knowledge or competence.
•The therapist recognizes a serious detriment with the rapport between the two of you, which isn't providing you with safe environment you need to succeed in therapy.
•Your therapist recognizes underlying issues (eg., medical, psychiatric, drug dependence) which may need to be addressed and rectified before therapy can be beneficial.

There are a multitude of reasons. These are just a few. If your therapist does determine that a referral needs to be made, you have every right to ask your therapist about what they are seeing, which is influencing their decision. Your discussion is necessary as maybe you have omitted information that could change your therapist's decision.

Losing your therapist can be a significant loss for some clients. The therapist should be willing to process this with you and help you make the transition as smoothly as possible.

Understanding the Counselor's Role

Have you experience a kind of "distance" between you and your counselor? It's almost as if one moment there's a "connection" between you and the next moment, that connection is lost. It makes you wonder, "what happened?"

First and foremost, it's essential to remember that the counselor is not your friend. You don't pay your friends money to listen to your concerns and your friends may not have the ability to pull themselves away emotionally to see how your concerns may or may not be skewed. They only see your pain and want to fix it. They do not have the training or experience to be able to help you understand your pain and work with it in a way most beneficial to you. This may be where you feel this "distance." The therapist must keep a level of distance to maintain objectivity. If they become too invested in the emotions, then they can become as ineffective as some of your friends and family in the matters of helping you with your concerns.

I Think I'm Done with Therapy

Have you been going to therapy for a while and wonder if you've gotten everything you can out of it? Are you wondering if you should just end it? Here's some points to consider if you are feeling "done" with therapy.

First, bring this up with your therapist. Usually clients and therapists have this interesting "sixth sense" about when therapy is over. Many times, I make plans to discuss the termination of therapy with a client, when they beat me to the punch, "Do you think I ready to end therapy?"

When either you or your therapist feel ending therapy (also more formally known as termination), your therapist will most likely want to review the goals you set out to achieve at the onset of therapy. Did you achieve them? Are there secondary goals that still need to be worked on? Are you satisfied with what you've accomplished? Your therapist will want to discuss these questions with you as well as look at any other goals you still might want to achieve.

Another point your therapist will want to cover with you is the skills you've acquired to overcome any future problems which might arise. The probability of another problem surfacing is likely and you may not have control over the problem; however, you do have control over how you tackle such problems using the tools you've learned through therapy.

Your therapist may also discuss your level of awareness in recognizing when you might need to return to therapy. Hopefully, you've made enough personal changes to be able to overcome problems and continue learning and growing from the process; however, you may find yourself needing outside assistance again. How will you know? What are the signs? By discussing these questions, you'll have a better grasp of the issue and seek help before you are in crisis.

Finally, the therapist will want to help you process the end of therapy. The therapist/client relationship is unique. You place a high level of trust into a stranger in order to overcome the crises, which brought you to therapy in the first place. Knowing this relationship is coming to an end can be difficult for some. Allowing this process to take place will provide you with the proper closure.

Whatever you do, allow yourself to experience this process. Canceling an appointment with no intention of returning only cheats you out of the opportunity to see how far you've come, what you can still work on independently and the resources available to you.