Relationship Coaching Online

I've been on hiatus for a while. I'm now finding myself in a new era of helping others and have updated my blog profile to reflect as much. Rather than doing therapy, I'm now involved in a new way to deal with relationship challenges: Online Relationship Coaching. I find that this is a great way to provide relationship help to people all over the country in a fast, confidential way.

What's the difference between relationship coaching and therapy?

Relationship and couples therapy is an ongoing journey where you and the therapist meet on a regular basis to challenge the overall dynamics of your relationship. It's a longer term basis than coaching. Online coaching, on the other hand, is more about giving you advice, in short blocks of time, to solve a single issue within the context of your relationship. It is not therapy by any means, and not all issues are meant to be solved in this manner; however, it is a great place to start if you're not sure where to begin.

Is relationship coaching good for all relationship issues?

Absolutely not! If there is any kind of risk issues, such as suicidal thoughts, danger to others, abuse, domestic violence, alcohol & drug use, etc., it is best you work with a licensed professional face-to-face to get the support and help you need. Online coaching focus on specific issues within the context of intra- and interpersonal relationships. It's good for finding quick coping skills to short-term issues.

Where can I talk to you?

You can find me on RelationUP.com. I'm normally on there Monday through Thursday evenings. It is currently an app specifically for iPads and iPhones only (as a Android gal myself, I'm looking forward to their expansion to other platforms as well!). All the details, including costs, are on the website. It is easy to use and you have options to the Relationship Advisors you can "talk" to.


Anything else I should know?

All the information you need to know is on RelationUP.com, including costs, confidentiality, the differences of therapy and online coaching, etc.

In the meantime, I will be actively starting to blog once again. Please let me know what kind of articles and blog entries you would like to see and I'll be happy to make attempts to whip something up. I intend to leave all my past blog posts up and viewable as I believe they are all pertinent to relationships.

I look forward to reading your suggestions and feedback!

Is My Problem Therapy-Appropriate?

I hear this question a lot. New clients will call and start off our conversation with, "I know you probably have more important clients with more critical issues, but I don't know where else to turn." It always amazes me how people don't believe their issue is important enough to seek help themselves.

Well, here is some reassurance. People cope differently in reaction to situations. Something that may stress one person out may easily roll off of your back. In turn, you may find yourself having difficulty dealing with a particular situation, but you see others sail through the stress with ease.

Regardless, if you're finding you're having difficulty dealing with a particular issue or relationship, and the inability to cope with the problem is impacting your ability to carry out your normal daily routine, then it's time to do something about it. You have a right to be happy within your life, whatever that means or looks like to you.

Reaching out for help is not a weakness, but in fact a strength. It's the strength of knowing your limitations and recognizing getting help will allow you to heal faster, rather than trying to work through the problem on your own, only to realize that you're sinking fast.

So, if you are doubting as to whether or not your issue is important enough for therapy, ask yourself this:

Am I succeeding at overcoming the problem myself?
What will it take for me to recognize I need help to get my life back in order?

Remember: Only strength allows you to take one step at a time.

Taking Care of Yourself

You take care of your spouse, your children, your pets, your friends, your parents and maybe even extended family, but who is taking care of you? If you're feeling stretched thin, it could be due to the fact you aren't putting in enough time for some self-care. This can result in increased stress, which in turn causes you to get sick, resentful and cause tension amongst those you love.

Think of it this way:

Imagine you are holding onto a basket of marbles. Each marble represents a moment of care to be bestowed onto another. For each act, you give out marbles to the individual who is receiving the benefit of that act. So you make time for your kids, those are marbles being given out. Same to your spouse as you take their dry-cleaning in. Same to your friends, who need a shoulder to cry on. You get the idea. After a while, if you aren't receiving marbles as fast as you give them away, what happens? You run out of marbles to give. This is known as "burnout" or some may say, "I've lost my marbles!"



It is important to make sure you are replenishing your own marbles constantly. Whether it be taking a hot bubble bath, long walks, a trip to the beach or time to read a book on the back porch, indulging in a little "me" time allows you to refill your basket and continue to be the giving person you want to be.

Women & Divorce: How to Cope

If you are female and either considering a divorce or already going through the process, then you need to read this. Divorce is an emotional process to a business-like decision. Whether you have been married for 6 months or 40 years, you invested much of yourself emotionally. You probably entered this marriage believing “’til death do you part.” Suddenly, you realize your life may not be including this person any longer.

You can learn to empower yourself and make the best of a difficult situation. You are going to have to make decisions, some of which can cause strong emotions, like splitting up assets, considering who will get the house, and dealing with child custody issues. These decisions must be made with a clear head and not an overwrought heart.

1. Take care of yourself. Consult with a financial planner and a family attorney. Even if you choose to take care of the divorce through mediation, you want to be sure your finances are secure upon the completion of the divorce. You want to make sure you know your rights. These professionals can be an asset when making decisions, which will ultimately effect your future.

2. Establish a support system. Seek out the aid of friends and family. If you do not have a good support system in place, seek counseling or a women’s support group.

3. The benefits of counseling. A good therapist can be objective, while you deal with the strong feelings you’ll experience, which cloud your judgment. A counselor will also help you process the lifestyle changes you’ll ultimately have to deal with. A couple of concerns some women have voiced include the ability to pay for counseling during this time and the confidentiality of their records.

4. Paying for counseling. I suggest you pay for the therapy out-of-pocket. You can use insurance and have every right if you so choose to do so; however, there are possible negative ramifications of using insurance benefits. First, your counselor will have to determine if you meet the criteria for a mental disorder diagnosis to be able to use your insurance, as panels require “medical necessity” to be authorized for benefits. If you do qualify, that mental disorder diagnosis will be submitted for every session to the insurance company. If your divorce isn’t amicable or if your spouse is being vindictive, he and his lawyer may attempt to subpoena any records to win their case. Would you want them to obtain these records from the insurance company? This transitions into the confidentiality aspect of paying out-of-pocket.

Counseling does not have to break the bank. You can go to various counseling directories and look for a counselor who falls within your means, such as on PsychologyToday.com and Counsel-Search.com. If this still seems too high, you can contact your local County Mental Health and ask for local community resources. Most communities have low-cost counseling centers, where pre-licensed counselors, under supervision of a licensed professional, can provide quality services.

5. Confidentiality. By paying your counselor directly, the paper trail is eliminated. Your counselor does have to keep records by law, but those records are kept confidential and can only be released with your permission, by a court order or by imminent emergency, such as suicide or child abuse. So, the chance of your spouse learning of your counseling will only occur if you divulge such information.

Remember, divorce is a business decision with emotional impacts. Don’t let your emotions hinder your ability to take are of yourself and your children. Seek the support you need now and end up in a better place when the divorce is finalized.