Supportive vs. Rescuing

If you've ever had a relationship where your partner is dealing with an illness, it's easy to feel helpless, especially if your partner is struggling or isn't taking their treatment seriously. There is a fine line between supporting your partner and trying to rescue them. It's important to realize you cannot save someone who doesn't want to be rescued. You can; however, support them towards following their treatment plan. So how can you help? Ask how you can help in being supportive. Listen to their response and determine if their response is reasonable. If it is, and you're willing, then do it!

In addition, make sure you're getting the support you need to maintain your own source of strength. Caring for another can be taxing and at times, downright exhausting. By making sure you're maintaining a level of self-care and accessing your own support system, you'll be more apt to provide consistent support for your partner. So make sure you're not neglecting yourself when you're helping another. And realize the difference between providing support & trying to work harder than your partner with an illness that you have no control over. It'll make a world of difference in your relationship.

Dealing with your Partner's Pain

When your partner expresses pain, whether it be sadness, hurt, or frustration, how do you deal with it? Do you really listen to what is ailing your partner and provide support? Or do you try to make them feel better because it hurts you too much to see them in pain? If you're doing the latter, you are probably missing what your partner is trying to tell you. Most likely, your partner may not want you to "fix" them, but just to empathize with their pain, demonstrate your appreciation of their experience and ask them how you can be most supportive in their time of need.

Of all the people your partner could have relied on to share this pain, they chose to share their feelings with you. If you want to maintain a healthy relationship, don't shut them off by trying to "fix" their problem, offer them "silver linings," or show them the positive side of their sadness. It may be difficult to see your partner in pain... it'll be more difficult later when your partner chooses not to share their feelings with you at all because your needs to make them feel better became more important than supporting them in the first place.

The End of a Relationship

While this is a blog for counseling and relationships, the fact is some relationships do end. If you are coming to the end of your relationship, it can be a very difficult and emotional time. If you are at this place, realize that (unless there is abuse involved) there is no reason to rush into a final decision. Take your time. Allow yourself to process the grief that is inherent with such a loss. Grief isn't reserved for the death of a loved one. Grief is applicable to any significant losses in your life. The loss of a relationship that you have invested yourself in is no different.

Once you've taken your time, weighed your options, looked at the potential consequences and given yourself to process the loss, you may still realize that leaving the relationship is in your best interest. That's okay....but give yourself a chance to go through the emotions, seek support (such as a support group or a good counselor or a close friend), and be honest with yourself. In the end, it still may be hard, but at least you're giving yourself all opportunities to determine what is really right for you.

Is My Problem "Worthy" of Therapy?

I get asked this question all the time. Clients make statements like, "You must hear things SO much worse than my problem," or "You must think I'm crazy for spending money on a problem as insignificant as mine."

If the problem is plaguing you and you're having difficulty overcoming the problem by yourself, then it is worthy of therapy. Therapy isn't limited to people with major mental health disorders or to people who are suicidal. Therapy is for anyone who needs support or an outsider's view of the issue. No problem is significant. If it's bothering you, then it's worth exploring and overcoming.

Someone once told me, "I always thought you had to be crazy to come to therapy. Now I realize you'd have to be crazy not to seek therapy!" Why go through a tough time by yourself? You have the right to have a fulfilling life.

If you feel you aren't satisfied and you're ready to explore avenues to achieve the lifestyle you hope for, then pick up the phone and begin your journey!